PJ & Duncan
by It is illogical
Summary: Sucky title and sucky summary. Takes place after PJ is blinded. Basically that and their relationship.
1. Chapter 1

PJ sat by himself as he often did when he felt like this. Debbie had been on his mind a lot lately, she meant a lot to him, but the thing was, Duncan was also on his mind. Ever since the incident with the paintball accident, Duncan had been by his side. PJ hd, since they met, considered Duncan a good mate, but recently he was feeling different. He had met with Debbie several times that week, but didn't feel the spark, the excitement he used to feel when they were together. He knew that being blind had changed him and maybe he was just too depressed at the moment, but then why did he feel so at ease when Duncan was around? Duncan always reassured him, made him feel like he was still the same. I was all very confusing for him.

There was a sudden knock on his door. It was Debbie. "Hey, PJ! You comin out?" Debbie shouted. PJ groped his way to the door.

"Hey, Debbie. What's up?" Debbie shrugged.

"Nothing much. I was just wondering if you wanted to maybe come out, get something to eat and come to the arcade?" PJ nodded.

"Sure, I'll just get me jacket." He went back inside and felt for his jacket on the back of a chair, he patted his pockets to make sure he had his stick. He closed the door behind him as he stepped out the door and grabbed the sleeve of Debbie's coat.

After getting something to eat they headed for the arcade. "You know, Debbie it's just occured to me that the arcade's a bit of pointless place to go, for me at least, like." Debbie cringed. She felt rather stupid, she hadn't forgotten she just didn't think.

"Sorry, PJ. I didn't think, I just wanted to spend time with you." She laid a hand on his shoulder and stroked it gently. PJ lowered his head.

"S'alright, Debbie. Let's just go, anyway I can do karaoke, can't I?" Debbie smiled.

"Alright then."

PJ and Debbie spent approximately an hour at the arcade, when they felt like there was nothing else for them. Just as they were about to leave they bumped into Duncan. "Alright, Mate?" Duncan said patting PJ on the back. PJ felt a jolt going through him.

"Er, yeah. Fine, Duncan."

"Debbie, How's things?"

"Fine, Duncan. How bout yourself?" Duncan shrugged.

"Ah, not too bad. Just hanging out, just had a meeting with the band." PJ looked confused.

"Why weren't I there?"

"It was only about something technical, like. I didn't think you'd be bothered with it, I needn't of been there either if I'm honest."

"Oh, I suppose it doesn't matter, but I woulda liked to of known. It's like ever since this happened to me..." He waved his hand in front of his face "...It's like I'm not even a person any more, I'm just a hindrance to everybody, someone that everybody feels like they need to coddle!" Duncan shook his head and tried to place a hand on PJ's shoulder, but he shrugged him off.

"That's not true, mate. I've never thought or treated you any different, have I?"

"Maybe not, but everybody else! But you have been treating me like I can't do anything, you worry about everything!" Duncan looked hurt, PJ was getting angry and frustrated.

"You're blind, man! You want to pretend your not, but like it or not, this is the way it's gonna be! But that shouldn't hold you back, PJ. I might be a little more concerned, but I don't ever baby ya! You're too stubborn, man!" Duncan finished his tirade. PJ looked taken aback.

"I'm sorry, Duncan. I just..." He broke off as his voice failed him. Duncan shook his head and sighed.

"Listen. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you, but don't underestimate your friends, they care about you." PJ nodded his eyes getting slightly watery. Debbie, who had been silent all this time, smiled gently.

"C'mon PJ, let's go." PJ sniffed and reached out to squeeze Duncan's shoulder before he left.

"See ya later, mate." Duncan squeezed PJ's arm and smiled.

"See ya." PJ and Debbie left. Duncan turned and entered the arcade.

PJ was home again, he felt a lot more comfortable when he was home. He felt rather tired after his little outburst at Duncan. He smiled to himself, Duncan was a good friend. PJ felt his heart beat quicken a little at the thought of him. PJ reddened even though he was alone. He needed a rest.

Duncan had left the arcade eventually, after wasting almost all of his allowance on the games. He shoved what was left of it into his pocket. He didn't know what to do now. He walked slowly down the street, thinking about PJ. That boy did worry him so. It broke his heart to think about PJ and his predicament. Why did bad things happen to good people? PJ was one of the best people he knew and that something so horrific should happen to him... A flash of that day appeared in Duncan's mind, PJ screaming in pain as he lay on the floor, grabbing at him as squirmed. Duncan screwed up his eyes as he tried to dispel the terrible memory. He gasped and opened his eyes wide. Poor PJ.

Duncan until this point had been wondering, seemingly aimlessly, he at last took notice of where he was. He had ended up at PJ's. He stood there for a bit looking up at the house. How did he end up here? Well, it didn't matter, he could go in and see how he was doing. Duncan approached the front door. He hesitated,took a deep breath and knocked. There was no answer. He wasn't surprised. He bent to open the letterbox.

"PJ! It's Duncan. You in mate?" Duncan heard movement and some clattering. "You alright, PJ!?"

"Aye!" Came a reply. Duncan spied through the letterbox to see PJ approach the door to open it. Duncan stood back as the door opened to reveal a bed haired PJ.

"Alright mate? Were you resting, didn't mean to disturb you like." PJ shook his head.

"Nah, it's alright, you wanna come in?"

"Thanks." Duncan stepped in and closed the door.

"Watcha doin here, Duncan?" He shrugged.

"I'm not really sure. I just sort of ended up here and thought I would drop by." PJ moved into the kitchen, Duncan walking behind keeping his hands out just in case PJ should stumble.

"Do you want anything to drink?"

"Nah, m'alright. So, you ok?"

"Yeah, why shouldn't I be?" Duncan stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged.

"No reason, just asking, like." PJ didn't look convinced.

"You came here to check up on us, didn't you. I told you I don't need help all the time."

"And I told you, you're stubborn. Anyway the visit was more for me than you." PJ looked confused.

"Watcha mean?" Duncan felt silly.

"I just was thinking about you and I felt uneasy, I needed to see you to feel better." PJ felt the excitement in the pit of his stomach again.

"You needn't worry, I'm fine having such a good friend like you to get me through." Duncan gave a watery smile.

"Aye" He said wobbly. "Same for you." He laughed and pulled PJ into a hug. PJ was surprised but relaxed when Duncan's arms encircled him. He felt almost giddy as he hugged Duncan back. PJ almost immediately felt embarrassed at his behaviour and let go if him as Duncan did. Duncan himself felt a little strange, when he had hugged PJ he instantly felt comfortable, like he was home. He cleared his throat and patted his shoulder, glad in that instance that PJ couldn't see him.

"Any-ways..." He started. "I'm glad that you're ok. I'll be off, I'll see you tomorrow, at the grove?" PJ smiled.

"Aye, I'll see you tomorrow." PJ walked Duncan to the door, well Duncan mainly led him. They said goodbye and PJ stood in the doorway until he heard the gate close at the end of the path, he closed the door behind him and leant against it, he sighed to himself and went to back to rest.


	2. Chapter 2

As the next day began to rise, So did PJ. It was only six am, but PJ was feeling restless. He dressed and and carefully made his way downstairs for breakfast. By seven thirty, PJ was more than ready to leave. He picked up his ruck sack and slung it over his shoulder; picking up his stick he made his way out the door.

* * *

Duncan had also been restless, he felt he couldn't stay idle for a second longer. He made his way out of the house by seven forty-five. Duncan had a spring in his step now he knew that him and PJ were alright. He had thought a lot about PJ that night, thinking about the things he would go through now and in the future. He made a promise that he would be there to help him through, whatever happened. He smiled to himself, he couldn't wait to see him today. Almost at the grove, He spotted PJ. He was glad he had decided to show up today. He was about to join him when he saw that PJ was getting awful close to the curb. Duncan was about to shout out to him, but it was too late, PJ's foot slipped off the curb and fell forward. Duncan ran to him and tried to help him up.

"PJ! You're alright, I got you." PJ brushed himself off, turning from Duncan.

"Did anyone see?" PJ asked feeling insecure. Duncan looked to see two boys further away snickering between themselves and looking over. Duncan glared at them then looked at PJ.

"No, mate. You're alright, like. Nothin to worry about." PJ nodded and stepped back from Duncan who still had his hands on him.

"Listen, cannae just walk on me own?" Duncan felt a little disappointed, but backed off.

"Sure, I'll meet up with you later then." He watched PJ walk on, he sighed and followed from a distance.

* * *

Lunch time had come around and Duncan was searching for PJ; he didn't want to come off as too worried or not giving him enough space. He knew of he were in that situation he wouldn't want people crowding him all the time. He gave up his search and decided he would let PJ make the move when he felt ready, he went to the cafeteria to see the rest of his friends.

PJ was hanging out in an empty room, that apparently used to be an office, but hadn't been used in a while. Geoff had said he could use it to have some alone time if and when he needed it. He sat there, in darkness. It was a scary thing, not being able to see. He remembered what things looked like, but he was afraid that he would forget things, simple things he took for granted, like when the sun would shine after a rainy day, being able to be independent; Seeing his friends smile, Duncan had a nice smile. He wiped at his eyes, frustrated. He got up, he didn't like sitting and moping by himself. He would find Duncan and apologize for earlier.

* * *

Duncan was with the members that made up the band; they were laughing together when Duncan saw PJ enter. He stood and left the table. He approached him and laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Alright?" PJ turned.

"Duncan?"

"Aye." PJ relaxed.

"Do you mind if we have a talk, like?" Duncan patted him.

"Not at all mate."

Debbie who was on the far side of the cafeteria, noticed PJ also. She approached him and linked arms with him.

"What's up PJ?" PJ shrugged.

"Nowt, like. Just chattin." Debbie smiled.

"Why don't you come with me for a bit?" PJ didn't want to be rude, but he really wanted to talk with Duncan.

"It's alright, mate. We'll talk later." Duncan ran his hand down PJ's arm. PJ felt himself heating up.

"Aye, alright." He let himself be led away by Debbie. Duncan watched and could help but feel a little annoyed, he shook himself out of it and joined the boys back at their table.

"What was that about?" Duncan shook his head at his friend.

"Nowt, mate." His friends shrugged and carried on their conversation. Duncan kept his gaze towards PJ and Debbie. PJ, even though he couldn't see, felt as though he could feel Duncan's lingering on him.


	3. Chapter 3

Duncan found PJ later when they were all leaving the grove. He caught up to him and put a hand on his back.

"Hiya, PJ." PJ stopped and turned in Duncan's direction.

"Alright."

"Earlier, in the cafeteria...was there something you wanted to say?" PJ began to feel a little subconscious.

"Just wanted to apologize about earlier, like. I was a little embarrassed is all, when I fell."

"I understand, mate. No need to apologise, mind. I didn't take it to heart." PJ physically relaxed.

"That's good. I was gonna just head home, but do ya wanna hang out for a bit longer, get some chips?" Duncan smiled as PJ took his arm.

"Not at all, chips on you are they?"

"Oh, Aye?" they both giggled. Debbie who had been leaving and was going to approach PJ held back as she saw Duncan run up to him. They had seemed rather close before, she had never thought about it, but ever since the accident; PJ had been a lot more comfortable around Duncan then herself, but then that had been true even before than. She watched PJ take Duncan's arm, as they left her sight. She felt a little jealous, which was ridiculous. It was also selfish, PJ needed as much support as possible, but still the pang was still there.

* * *

Duncan and PJ sat on a patch of grass in the sun as they ate their chips. PJ was reclined on his forearms enjoying the rays on his face, Duncan smiled at him. At least he looked happy in this moment. Duncan finished off the last of his chips as he joined PJ in reclining. PJ opened his eyes.

"You know, it's funny." Duncan peeked open an eye to look at PJ.

"What is, mate?" PJ breathily laughed to himself.

"It's stupid an' all, but even though I can't see, I still think I might be able to see the sun. Being so bright, cause your always told don't look directly into it or you'll damage your eyes." He lowered his head. "S'pose it don't matter now does it?" Duncan fiddled with a piece of grass, unsure of what to say.

"It's not stupid PJ and it does matter. Anyway, there's nowt you can do now but deal with it and you know I'll be there to support ya, Debbie too." Duncan nudged his shoulder with his. PJ smiled half-heartedly. "What's up, mate. C'mon is it girl trouble?" Duncan teased. PJ coloured.

"No! Well, not exactly." PJ turned his face away.

"What is it, man?" Duncan smiled, tongue in cheek.

"Nowt, just forget I said anything. Me and Debbie are fine." Duncan's smile faltered slightly.

"Are you sure? If some things bothering you then you know it's a secret with me." Duncan placed a reassuring hand on PJ's arm and squeezed it as he brought his other arm to drape it behind his back. PJ froze and felt his heart rate increase. He was becoming increasingly more sensitive when Duncan touched him and it made him feel dizzy and fluttery all at the same time. He stood up quickly.

"Like I said, Nowt Duncan. Ain't nowt wrong with me. I think I'm going home now. I'll see ya tomorrow then, shall I?" Duncan stood up also steadying PJ.

"If you're sure, PJ? Shall I walk with you?" PJ didn't want to seem like he was giving Duncan the cold shoulder again so he conceded.

"Yeah, ok."

"Alright then. Why don't you wait for me over by the wall and I'll just clean up our mess." PJ got out his stick and made his way to the wall, holding out his hand he found the corner of wall and leant against it. He took a couple of deep breaths to steady himself, what was going on, he'd been feeling all out of sorts for the past couple of days. He couldn't understand it. Well, was it any surprise he had been through a lot recently. He dismissed it and waited for Duncan.

"Alright, off we go." Duncan jogged up and offered his arm to PJ. "Takin' my arm?" PJ declined politely.

"No, thanks Duncan. I'll use me stick. Gotta get used to it sooner or lata'." Duncan lowered his arm.

"Aye. I suppose you're right."

They walked in relative silence back too PJ's house until they reached his front door.

"Right, I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Aye. PJ...before you go, I just want to say...I'm proud of ya." PJ was taken a back.

"What?!" Duncan chuckled.

"I am. You've been through a lot an' I think you've been really brave." It was Duncan's turn to feel embarrassed. PJ was at a loss for words, Duncan could see that. "You don't have to say anything, I'll see ya." PJ heard Duncan's footsteps down the path. "Later, mate!" PJ waved in his direction. In some aspects he was disappointed that Duncan had left, he felt so much more confident with him around. He stepped through his front door and smiled, he was determined that even if he forgot what a sunset looked like with it's different hues, he would never forget what was always and was probably just now on Duncan's face, a smile.


	4. Chapter 4

Duncan had been feeling more and more restless. Seeing PJ everyday had become more of a need than a want, not that he didn't want to, he did. He knew he worried about PJ as a friend, but he had been felling differently lately when it came down to just himself and PJ spending time together, like the other day when they ate chips together. Duncan had felt just content looking at PJ's peaceful face, sitting like that enjoying each others company, not having to say anything. He wondered if PJ felt the same, it wasn't easy reading others especially PJ now that he closed himself up to pretty much everybody, although he seemed to loosen up with him. That could be just his own wishful thinking though.

PJ was feeling very alone and useless, he's had a lot of aspirations. Some of them would have to be forgotten now, it wasn't fair, how could this happen to him; it felt unreal. It hurt to think he might be treated differently for the rest of his life, he wished he never had to leave the Grove. Soon or later it would be time to move on to greener pastures, he wondered if he would still know half the people he did now. He didn't want things to change, although that was ridiculous thinking, they already had. He curled himself up, he felt insecure and lonely which was silly because he knew that everyone supported him, but he couldn't help feeling like this.

They were both conflicted with their feelings in different ways, they both felt lost. They knew this couldn't carry on.

* * *

PJ started to think seriously about what he was going to do long term, it scared him to think of the future, but he knew he had to do it. Sitting with Duncan in the empty office that he had adorned he talked to him about such decisions.

"Hey, Duncan."

"Mmmmmm?"

"What do you want to do, like? In the future." Duncan looked surprised at the question.

"I havn't really thought about it, I guess the band thing is just a hobby. I've always enjoyed footie like, but I don't see me as a professional, eh?" They laughed.

"Aye, I suppose I don't."

"Cheeky." Duncan batted his arm. PJ's face became serious.

"I suppose from now on I'll have to take into consideration me condition." Duncan's face also straightened.

"Listen, mate. You can be anything you want to be." PJ's face turned grim.

"Don't be daft. I cannat see man, there are things I will never be able to do."

"You're right. I shouldn't say things like that, I'm just trying to be positive. I don't want you to feel like your world is suddenly closed off because of this."

"Yeah, well maybe it's just best if you don't say anything." PJ looked dejected. Duncan pleaded with him.

"Don't say things like that, PJ. You have to know I only want to make sure you know that whatever happens I'll be here for you. It doesn't matter nowt to me, I'll take you in any package as long as you're still you on the inside."

Duncan placed both hands on PJ's shoulders as he came up behind him. PJ felt himself losing it, he didn't want to cry in front of Duncan, but he was probably the only person he would choose to see him like this. A few tears escaped as the reassurance of Duncan's hands on his shoulders made him relax and let go. He turned and fell into Duncan's arms, who was stunned at first, but then wrapped his arms around him as he held his friend. The silence resounded, once and a while a small sound would come from PJ as his few tears turned into sobs. Duncan felt dampness on his shirt, he didn't mind, he kissed the top of PJ's head.

PJ froze and lifted his head looking confused. "What did you do that for?" His tear stained face was red and blotchy, it made Duncan feel overwhelmed.

"I don't know." PJ didn't move his face that was so close to his. Duncan felt himself moving ever closer as if he was on auto pilot, his mind was a whir of thoughts and feelings. PJ felt his breath on his face, his tears had stopped and his his own breathing had become more rugged. They were inches from each other, PJ anticipating the contact.


	5. Chapter 5

PJ felt Duncan move away from, he was confused until he heard someone at the door. He quickly drained of any colour that might of been there and tried to act nonchalant, like something wasn't going on here.

Duncan had heard the door before it had opened fully, his eyes tore away from PJ's face to notice in time and step away from him, he could see the confusion on PJ's face, but he daren't give them away.

It was Debbie who had opened the door, she had been looking for PJ in the hopes of quelling those stupid feelings she had inexplicably felt. When she looked up, PJ was there with an awkward looking Duncan, PJ seemed confused, what had been happening?

"Erm, Sorry. I wasn't interrupting anything was I?"

"No. Nowt, we were just talking." Duncan answered a little too fast for PJ's liking.

"PJ, are you busy?" PJ pulled himself together.

"S'pose not. What you thinkin?" Debbie shuffled her feet and Duncan was relieved that she hadn't noticed anything off.

"I don't know, want to get a bite?"

"Sounds good." He made his way quickly towards her, but tripped a little. Duncan caught him in his arms, they both felt embarrassed and Duncan instantly let go when PJ was steady. "Thanks."

"No problem." Debbie looked one to the other.

"Are sure you two's is alright?"

"Never better, C'mon." PJ took Debbie's arm and left. Duncan stayed for a while longer, thinking about what he had almost done. His cheeks flared something fierce and he felt panicky, what had gotten into him? He didn't exactly feel bad about it, but he wasn't feeling none too clever, either. He rubbed his face and left he wouldn't have a chance to talk to PJ now, he'd see him tomorrow.

PJ had been awfully silent and Debbie was concerned.

"What's wrong, PJ? your awfully quiet. What's the matter?"

"It's nothing. Just fine, nowt to worry about." Debbie was dubious, but kept silent.

They ate together and talked, PJ forgot about things for a while and enjoyed himself. He spent the rest of the afternoon with Debbie and they walked home together.

"PJ? I was wondering, I know things haven't been easy lately, but I've been wondering if maybe you'd like to try again, what do you think?" PJ was a little apprehensive, he did still like Debbie, but these feelings he had been experiencing with Duncan lately were confusing.

"Why not? It wouldn't hurt to try." Debbie smiled and pecked PJ on the cheek.

"Great, I'll see you tomorrow then." Debbie left, PJ thought about his decision, he ended up deciding it was the right one. He went to bed that night with a uneasy feeling.

* * *

A few days had passed and Duncan had never had the chance to catch up with PJ . He had seen that him and Debbie were back together and he knew it shouldn't have bothered him as much as it did. Duncan had tried a few times to get PJ's attention, but he felt that somehow he was avoiding him. He had left it and not questioned.

PJ was feeling down, he had been avoiding Duncan lately, he had wanted to have some space, but he had just kept feeling worst by the day. He had wanted to talk to Duncan, but had put it off, now things were becoming more and more difficult to say. Some days ago they had been discussing what to do with there lives after Byker Grove, he had wanted to know the answer from Duncan, for no more reason then to know if he would stay with him. He had had many thoughts on where his path laid and just the other day he had heard tell of a blind school that was situated about ten miles from Byker Grove, so much help had been given to him in his time in need, he felt he needed to give something back. He would tell Duncan about this, talk like they used to, but not yet he still had some other issues he needed to work out, before he faced him after what happened.

Duncan had been pondering the question that PJ had put to him that day, he truly hadn't thought about it. He wasn't really sure where his forte lied. The band was not much to go on, they hadn't been offered any deals and he couldn't pin all his hopes on it. He'd was sort of hoping to stick with PJ , although he wasn't sure how likely that was now that they didn't seem to be speaking. He missed PJ, he wasn't sure what the feeling was, but it was a sort of ache in his chest whenever he thought of him or seeing him, especially with Debbie. He felt like his life was at a standstill, that was until the phone rang.


	6. Chapter 6

Ever since the conversation with PJ, he had presumed he'd go wherever he went, but an offer had come his way and it was almost too good to pass up. The band they had started together for fun, had got a little more serious for them as the months passed, they tried to get a hit and had almost , things had been a bit quiet, until earlier someone from a record company had contacted Duncan's house and wanted to make a deal, but only with him. He had them that he'd preferred to stick with the band, but they had been insistent that it was to be just him or no deal and the opportunity it presented was unimaginable, he accepted.

He was excited at first, if things went well he would travel the world, experience new things and of course the money wouldn't be bad either. The excitement dulled however when he thought of the others, they would hate him. Duncan had to tell them though, no matter what. The worst would be PJ, he had promised to stay by him, maybe PJ would consider joining him; he didn't want to be alone.

Duncan found the group in the place they always practised. He felt sick to his stomach.

"Alright Duncan, what's up man?" PJ who was also there lifted his head and smiled slightly.

"Yeah, you look ill like." Duncan swallowed and PJ looked concerned.

"There's something I need to tell you all. When I do, don't hate us alright?"

"We won't hate yas man, c'mon spill." Duncan nodded.

"I got a call today, from a man who said he owned a record company."

"Your not tellin us that he offered us sommet and you turned him down?" Duncan averted his eyes.

"No. He offered a deal, but he said he only wanted me, he said that and I said I'd rather be with you, but he was insistent and offered it to me again and I...I..." They all looked at him, Duncan couldn't tell what they were feeling, he wanted to run and hide. PJ was the first to speak.

"I think you should take it." Everyone turned to him in shock, including Duncan. "Take the deal, you'll hardly get the opportunity again, you shouldn't let us hold you back." The others faces were thoughtful.

"PJ's right, we shouldn't make you feel bad for something good." Duncan felt a little emotional.

"Thanks, it means a lot." Even though he was glad that they approved, it hurt a little that PJ didn't want to stop him, it was strange, but he kind of wanted him to.

"They said if I accepted I'd start straight away, I'll be leaving for London by the end of this week." They all seemed a little shocked.

"Woah! That is soon. Well, good luck mate. Don't be a stranger when you're famous." They all congratulated him. When they had left, just him and PJ were left alone.

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you." PJ was snapped out of his own little world he had been in.

"What?" Duncan felt nervous.

"Would you consider coming with me? I mean as far as I know you haven't said anything about finding something to do, so I thought... maybe, I mean it's be a great experience." PJ stayed silent as he listened.

"I'm actually thinking about moving on to a blind school, I thought it's be a good idea like." Duncan understood, he did, didn't mean it hurt any less to leave behind his best friend.

"That's good, I hope I'll get to visit."

"Yeah, I'd like that. I'm not very good at saying things, but I'll miss you." Duncan sat beside PJ and laid his hand on top of PJ's. They stayed like that a moment, neither one said anything, until Duncan leant over and kissed his cheek.

"Duncan! What you doin man?" Duncan looked disappointed.

"You didn't like it?" PJ opened and closed his mouth a few times.

"It's not that, it's just..." He was cut off with a kiss to the lips. PJ sat shocked as Duncan applied more pressure to the kiss, he pulled back abruptly.

"I can't Duncan, this is insane! I'm with Debbie." PJ was breathing hard and flustered.

"I know, the strange thing is, I don't care PJ. I get this feeling when I see you with her, it tears us up inside." Duncan put a hand on PJ's leg, PJ felt the heat rise to his face again. "Do you not feel owt, PJ?"

PJ had to admit it felt good to have Duncan so close, he never felt this with Debbie. All this time, all those feelings, were they really all for Duncan; yearning for his touch, wanting to be with him? Duncan panicked when PJ didn't answer.

"Oh god, I'm sorry!" Duncan got up to leave, but PJ grabbed him just in time.

"No. Don't leave, I was just caught off guard, I can't explain it, but this feeling I think means I want you." Duncan wiped furiously at the tears that threatened to spill.

"Really?" PJ felt his heart beat a little faster as he heard Duncan's voice catch.

"Duncan, kiss me again." PJ said tugging his sleeve, Duncan didn't need telling twice. PJ was slightly taller then Duncan when he stood, Duncan lifted his head and reached to press his lips to PJ's. He had never thought that he would ever find himself doing this with PJ, but it felt so right.

PJ felt light headed, he was beside himself with giddiness. He thought that maybe he could do this forever, kissing Duncan had to be the best feeling in the world. Their kiss was slow but fervent, Duncan's lips were soft as they glided over his. This was technically each other's first kiss, they were a little clumsy. Duncan's ears had become red and PJ was flushed from the feelings that overwhelmed him. They pulled apart slowly, foreheads leant together. Their breathing was faster than normal.

"PJ...I...that was..." Duncan couldn't speak, he wanted more, needed more. PJ was speechless also, he hadn't expected anything like this to happen.

"Duncan, What are we gonna do like?" Duncan was busy staring at PJ's lips, until they started moving, he looked at him.

"About what?" PJ pulled away slightly, but still keeping contact with Duncan.

"You're leaving, Debbie's still me girlfriend and I just can't see this working." Duncan was confused.

"What's to think about? Leave Debbie and I'll visit, call, write every opportunity I get." PJ wanted to believe that it would be that simple.

"I'm sorry, Duncan. I can't start this only for it to fall to pieces, your my best friend I don't want to ruin things." Duncan laughed in disbelief.

"You should of thought of that man, before you kissed us!"

"You kissed me!"

"You told me to!"

"I'm sorry, but that's how it's gotta be. We can't be together."

"I don't understand," Duncan turned away, tears welling up again, he looked over his shoulder and practically whispered "What about if I loved you's?" PJ felt dizzy now, he couldn't handle it.

"I can't...I just..." PJ stumbled past Duncan as he made a desperate attempt to escape, he needed space, this was all so confusing. Duncan was left by himself, he fell to his knees as he cried.


	7. Chapter 7

PJ had locked himself away since what had happened between him and Duncan, he couldn't face anyone, especially Duncan. PJ had been thinking of him twenty four-seven since then, every time he thought about him, the feeling of that time came rushing back, he would remember what it felt like when Duncan's soft, pouting lips brushed against his.

Why had he run away? Was it hearing Duncan's confession of love? Was it the uncertainty of their relationship? He didn't know, but the biggest question was, did he feel the same?

* * *

Duncan had debated whether to go see PJ, but each time he thought he had built up enough courage to go, he talked himself out of it. What was there to talk about anyway? He's been rejected, hadn't he? It hurt to think of PJ's reaction to his confession, he thought that after their kiss, hew felt the same. After all, PJ had responded with as much enthusiasm him, Duncan closed his eyes and pictured himself as he stood on tip pi toes to press his lips to PJ's and the way his arms had encircled his waist, made him think for sure that he had enjoyed it. Duncan sat on his bed and hugged his knees to his chest. Tomorrow he would be leaving for London and it seemed he would have no farewell from PJ.

* * *

PJ awoke from a fitful sleep, he'd never really slept properly ever since the accident, the incident would haunt his dreams, playing out over and over again. He rubbed his eyes and face. Today he knew Duncan was leaving, should he go see him off? Did Duncan want him to? To him they were still friends at the very least. PJ convinced himself to get up and see him, he had to make amends before his best friend left. He got dressed and headed out.

Every step he wavered, almost turning back, he mentally shook himself. "No. I've got to see him." He told himself, determined.

* * *

Duncan was packing his suitcase in his bedroom, he felt sick, this was really happening and he was going alone. His emotions almost got the better of him, but he cleared his throat and concentrated at the task at hand. He dragged his case downstairs, a car was waiting for him outside, Duncan stepped outside, so he hadn't come to say goodbye, the rest of the gang had had a farewell do last night, PJ hadn't been there, apparently they hadn't been able to raise him. He'd of thought that PJ would of at least come and see him off today though, he held back tears as he entered the vehicle.

* * *

PJ approached the door nervously and knocked, the door opened, it was Duncan's mother.

"Hello. PJ, can I help you pet?" PJ nodded.

"I'm looking for Duncan." She frowned.

"I'm sorry, pet. He's already left, you just missed him." PJ's mouth went slack.

"But...but, I thought...I didn't get the chance to..." Duncan's mother was sympathetic.

"I'm sorry, love." PJ couldn't believe it, Duncan had left thinking he hated him. He said goodbye to Duncan's mother and walked streets, he sat himself on a curb with his head in his hands, he'd really messed up, Duncan was one and he was alone.

* * *

Several weeks had passed since then and Duncan had been extremely busy, he hardly had any down time, his schedule was crazy and things were going well for him. Through all the excitement of it all, for a while he had forgotten about all the drama that had happened. He had been notified by the company that soon, if his first single went well, he's be going abroad to further his career. He couldn't believe it, he felt happy and sick at the same time, he was nervous about how his music would be received. Although he was having the time of his life, it all felt a little bitter sweet, he missed his friends and even though he had spoken to them over the phone a few times it wasn't the same. PJ hadn't been mentioned in any of the conversations and he felt disappointed that he had never even said goodbye, he groaned as he screwed his hands up into fists and rubbed at his eyes, it wasn't worth thinking about now. He made his way out of his hotel room that the record company had paid for, they had allowed him to go wherever he pleased without security, based on the fact that his single hadn't been released, so people wouldn't recognise him as someone famous, yet. The streets of London were bustling and loud, he felt very small in a big city and maybe just a little lonely.

* * *

PJ, now at the blind school helping out with charities and other events, felt he had really found his way and enjoyed the work he was doing. For a while he didn't really open up at all and had been very subdued, but ever since getting involved he had flourished, his only regret was that Duncan wasn't with him, he missed him and wondered how he was doing. Every now and then his mates would say they had talked to him, but he just couldn't face hearing his voice. He sighed, it couldn't go on like this forever, Duncan meant a lot to him, he needed him probably more than Duncan did.

* * *

The day for Duncan's single release had arrived, Duncan had worked really hard and in a way he had had some talks with the company about writing his own song, they had been apprehensive at first, but after they had heard it they soon changed their minds. Duncan had written it the first few weeks they had been in London and he was very proud of it, it had made him feel better when he thought of PJ. He switched on the radio, for they were about to announce the newest singles out and he wanted to hear it's first ever broadcast, that countless others would be hearing.

* * *

PJ was out with Debbie, although he was never really sure how he felt about her or Duncan, he'd not asked Debbie how she felt for him, the shop they were in sounded crowded and now and then someone would brush his shoulder, he never really liked going out on a weekend to well known places. He was sitting outside a changing room while Debbie was trying on some clothes, while he was sitting their, thinking of nothing in particular, the radio that the shop was broadcasting started to announce a brand new release.

"OK, up next is a brand new entry, from a young lad from Newcastle, a self written song that I'm sure you're gonna love. This is Falling by Duncan, here it is." PJ's ears pricked up at the mention of Duncan, he stood and listened as the song began.

_Every little piece of love, loooove, I give you everything_

_You make me weak, you stand out from the crowd_

_You are so strong, Never let life get you down_

_I can't go on, pretending I don't see just how good I've been for you_

_And how good you've been for me, And it doesn't matter how hard I try_

_I can't suppress this feeling, this feeling inside_

_I think I'm falling_

It was impossible, but for some reason PJ felt like this song was for him.

_I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you_

_Doesn't matter what you say, Doesn't matter what you do, Baby it's true_

_I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you _

_Know how much I care for you_

_Sometimes in life, you can search forever more_

_Searching for love, Never able to be sure, _

_be sure your heart won't be broken up inside,_

_Cause inside the realm of love, there's no where to run or hide_

_And it doesn't matter how hard you try, you can't suppress this feeling,_

_this feeling inside, I think I'm falling_

_I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you_

_Doesn't matter what you say, doesn't matter what you do, baby it's true_

_I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you _

_Know how much I care for you, there's nothing that I would, I would not do_

Even though it was ridiculous, PJ felt he knew that this song had Duncan's feelings poured into it, he knew that this was a message to him.

_And it doesn't matter how hard I try, I can't suppress this feeling, this feeling inside_

_I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you,_

PJ got up and left, he knew he should of told Debbie he was leaving, but he had to get Duncan's number and phone him immediately, he'd been a fool and he needed Duncan to know that.

_There's nothing I would not, would not dooo_

_I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you _

_Doesn't matter what you say, cause I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling_

_In loooooooooove_

_I'm falling for you, I'm falling for you_

_Know how much I care for you, cause I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling_

_In loooooooooove_

The song faded out as PJ desperately made his way to Duncan's old home.

Once PJ had received a way to now contact Duncan, he was feeling very nervous. He couldn't back out now he had to know how he felt to determine his feelings. Once successfully dialling the number, he swallowed as the phone rang, it almost went to answer machine when someone picked up.

"Hello. Who is this, please?" PJ froze it was a girls voice. A girlfriend? No, that couldn't be it.

"Erm, I'm a mate of Duncan's, is he there?"

"No, not at the moment, he's out. Leaving me to clean up after him, the scamp. Can I take a message?" PJ felt his stomach drop, she sounded nice.

"No, it's Ok. I'll call back later." He hung up the phone, how stupid was he, to think that song was maybe meant for him. He felt foolish, he wanted to curl up into a ball and never get up again. He missed Duncan and now he'd lost him forever.


	8. Chapter 8

Duncan had spent most of the day out, after hearing his song in one of the shops, he almost jumped up and down with excitement. He had wondered if his friends had heard it back home, if PJ had listened to it and thought of him. He wished he hadn't left with their relationship in the way that it was. He wondered around for a while feeling a little empty, was this how it was going to be know? Just never talking, drift apart perhaps, no he didn't want that; he would tell PJ he was sorry and they would be friends again, he could handle friends it was better than no PJ at all.

* * *

PJ felt so stupid, of course Duncan would of got himself a girlfriend, hadn't he pushed him away? But so quickly, it stung PJ a little. Maybe it wasn't too late, if he just re evaluated his feelings for Duncan. He sat there thinking of all the times he had been sad, lonely, felt like he was never going to get through this and the Duncan haad come along and well, everything seemed to shift, he forgot all those things and felt like PJ again. All that made him convinced that he considered Duncan his best friend, but there was something else, a warm feeling that spread all over whenever Duncan touched him and whenever he would just spend alone time with him he felt so at ease and safe. The time they shared together after getting the news of Duncan's departure was scary, but in that moment he felt euphoric.

* * *

Duncan finally made it home, he flopped on the settee and let out a heavy breath. Christa, who was Duncan's manager, was there and going through some papers.

"Oh, you finally decide to show up did you?" She smiled and shook her head.

"Aye, needed some time to think is all."

"Hmm. Ok, but let me know before you go gallivanting around town. Anyway, I don't know if you were expecting anyone to call today, but a boy, didn't leave his name called asking for you." Duncan's head turned.

"You sure he didn't leave a name?" She thought then nodded.

"Yep. Seemed to be a bit upset." Duncan stood up quickly and grabbed the telephone. He knew who it was.

PJ sat by himself, he knew now. He was in love with Duncan.

What a fool, he was probably the biggest idiot in the world right now. He'd screwed up everything, Duncan had moved on and he was alone, for real this time. He closed his eyes to try and sleep, when the phone rang. He got up curiously and waited to hear the voice on the answering machine, he was shocked when he heard Duncan's voice.

"PJ? Are you there, I heard you called earlier. It was you wasn't it? I'd like to talk, please?" Duncan sounded cautious. PJ hesitated.

"C'mon, mate. Pick up." He panicked when he thought Duncan had hung up and picked up the phone quickly.

"Duncan?! Are youse still there?" there was a pause.

"PJ? I'm glad you picked up." Duncan smiled, he liked hearing PJ's voice again.

"Aye, youse were out earlier." PJ felt shy all of a sudden.

"Sorry, Christa just gave me the message that someone had called." PJ froze that name, it must be the woman he had talked to earlier, his girlfriend.

"Oh. How did you know it was me? I don't think I gave me name." Duncan shrugged to himself.

"I just knew." PJ blushed a little.

"So...how've you been like?" Duncan sank into a chair and played with the phone chord.

"Good, I guess. Better after hearing from you. By the way..." Duncan swallowed feeling nervous "...did you hear my song, it was played today on the radio." Duncan was self concious on whether PJ had figured out the songs meaning.

"Oh, aye! I heard while i was out, grand song man. Should prove popular with the ladies." Duncan cast his eyes down, disappointed.

"Aye, I suppose it will." PJ face palmed, why did he say that? "Anyway, how have you been?"

"Erm, fine. It's been going great at the school I'm helping out with." what a lame answer, he thought.

"Great, I didn't doubt you'd do well. So..." Duncan wasn't sure of he should bring their kiss, he wanted to, but didn't know if it was really appropriate, considering they seemed to be less awkward right now.

"Yeah?" Duncan hadn't realised he's gone silent.

"Oh, sorry mate. Nothing, I'm glad you're doing good and I'm glad you called earlier, I wasn't sure whether you wanted to speak to me." PJ's mouth went dry, he had thought he hated him.

"No! That wasn't it at all, I was just confused I didn't know what to say, I'm sorry for being such an idiot!" Duncan gave a small smile.

"Oi, don't mind it. Anyway, it gave me some time to think and I think I need to apologise." PJ heart beat hard, his hands became sweaty and it felt hard to breathe. He was going to take back what he said, he knew it, he was going to say it was stupid and he didn't mean it, oh god.

"Listen, I wasn't going to bring it up, but..." He could hear laboured breathing coming from P's end, "PJ? are youse Ok?" PJ swallowed.

"Aye. I'm fine, just don't apologise okay? I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have run out on you, when...well you know." Duncan was speechless, so PJ carried on. "I was so overwhelmed with everything going on that I didn't know what to do, I panicked." PJ felt ashamed and shuffled his feet. Duncan could feel himself trembling slightly.

"What are youse trying to say?" Duncan's voice wasn't one hundred percent, but he thought he sounded controlled.

"What I'm trying to say is...is I regret that and after a lot thought, I think, I know that Duncan I..." suddenly the phone went dead and Duncan shouted.

"WHAT? PJ?! NO!" subsequently the lights went out and a flash of lightening crashed outside, a storm had rolled in and cut PJ off. Christa made her way through the gradually darkening flat, towards Duncan.

"Are you alright?" she asked placing a hand on his shoulder.

"No, that was probably the most important phone call of me life and I was cut off!" Christa patted him sympathetically.

"Well, there's nothing we can do now, let's set up some candles and you can tell me all about it, Ok?" Duncan sighed.

"Aye, alright."

PJ stood in shock, had Duncan hung up on him? No, he was probably just having problems with his connection. He was so close to coming out with it, now the insecurities came flooding back, why was this so hard?


End file.
